


Hello, Goodbye.

by gab95lin



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Mentions of Cancer, Romance, don't kill me for this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:50:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5338130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gab95lin/pseuds/gab95lin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To the people that leave you fragile and broken. Thinking they would never come back and you will never get the apology you deserve. What happens if that person did come back? And you figure out that they hate that you felt for them was just love and hate at the same time. What happens then?</p>
<p>After years of being in the dark about Emma Swan's place ofresidency, Regina Mills finally receives a phone call that might turn her life upside down faster than she can say "apple turnover." What happens to us when we die?  Do we cease to exist? Or does our soul and body travel into a parallel  world?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,
> 
> This is a one shot that I wrote for my friend Mari, who made the request. I hope you guys enjoy it and love it. Please leave me a review. I always enjoy hearing back from you! It might be a good idea to listen to "Hello" by Adele while reading. Specially because a good portion of the story is based on the song!
> 
> Also, I want to thank my best friend Kyana, she did some grammar check along with writing the story. This is our baby, and I am happy to share it with all of you. 
> 
> Warning: This story mentions a medical condition. Please forgive me if any of the information included is not completely accurate. I did as much research as I could. And I wrote as accurate as I could, however this is fiction so some things might seem off to you. But it was all done with the purpose of writing a good story for you. 
> 
> Thank you, Gab95lin

“Hello”

“Hey,” She felt the sound of that voice travel down her body, singing a mantra she remembered so well. It had been a long time, but she still recognized the voice immediately. Even after ten years, her voice hadn’t changed, it was still raspy and low, and it was her voice. “Hello?” The woman said once more. Emma swallowed her saliva before daring to speak. “Emma? It’s you, isn’t it?” she heard the other woman let her breathe escape. Even without seeing her, she knew the other woman was clenching her teeth, burning with anger. Yet, in the mess of the phone call she knew a part of the other woman was still in pain.

“Yeah, it’s me,” she still wondered why in the living hell she was calling Regina now. “Listen, I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet?” She gave her a nervous laugh and waited for an answer, whatever answer she could get would be perfect. Emma knew she had no place to ask or to even demand Regina to meet her. Not after what she did, and to barge back into her life after all those years again? She was wrong, and she knew it. She knew she shouldn’t. But she had her selfish reasons to do so.

“And for what?” Regina said coldly.

“To go over, you know, everything,” Emma threw her hand into the air as if Regina could see it, she was growing rather anxious, her hands were sweaty, her clothes felt too tight on her body, and the room seemed to be closing in on her. She hated this bad habit she had developed, always getting anxious over everything, even when she didn't have to.  It was too late to fix.

“And what exactly are you expecting to happen Miss Swan? You’ll explain why you left the day of our wedding? Why you disappeared on me? Henry? Your parents? Without saying a word? And then what? I’ll run into your arms like a damsel whose prince has finally come to her rescue? To forgive you for all the pain you’ve caused Henry and me and then leave Robin? Is that what you want?” Regina was yelling, Emma knew time had healed nothing. Emma thought, They say time is supposed to heal ya, but it ain’t done much healing, and neither have you.

“There’s such a difference between us, the years have passed and we are different now,” she said ignoring Regina’s questions, “but I can say that I left was becau-”

She was abruptly interrupted by Regina’s ironic laugh, “You disappeared and then tried calling to ask for forgiveness when there was none left to give”

“Regina, I’ve tried to tell you I’m sorry…,” Emma took a deep breath and then spoke again, “for breaking your heart.”

Regina didn’t say anything for a while and neither did Emma, the silence was growing into a tense feeling that made both woman uncomfortable, “I must’ve called a thousand times, but your phone was disconnected. I just... I don’t understand Emma,” her tone was sad, but distant. But the rage was still there.

“Regina, we are both running out of time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just please tell me if you’d like to meet?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Regina replied.

“Regina, please, I would like to see you again, and Henry too, it’s important!” she was begging. She did truly need to see them again. Before-

It was too late, Regina hang up the phone. Emma’s last chance of seeing her family was lost. She grabbed her keys; she needed to take a drive. Needed to distract herself from what just happened. She drove and drove for hours, it wasn’t until she was in front of the town line that she realized where she had driven. Her phone rang.

“Hello”  

“Fine Miss Swan, we may meet one more time, but that’s it. And don’t expect anything from my part” Regina said and hung up the phone.

* * *

Emma thought about it, Regina had agreed to see her, so she drove her yellow bug across the town line the same way she did fifteen years ago when she brought Henry back home. Only now, she crossed the town line alone. Emma drove to Granny’s Inn and got herself a room. To no ones surprise, the news of her return to town after disappearing spread quickly. She greeted everyone with smiles and hugs, her heart broke to see the changes in town, everyone looked so much older. So different. She wondered if Henry would look different too? What a lucky day for Emma, her instincts had brought her into town, just to get a call from Regina accepting to meet with her.

Emma went out for a walk in the woods, somewhere peaceful, quiet, and alone. She needed to think about what her next course of action would be. It had been ten years since she last saw her loved ones. Ten years of fighting her illness alone. Ten years of suffering in silence. And then years of putting the pieces back of broken heart, but it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered. Regina had moved on. She was with Robin. Every time she thought of them, she always wondered why weren’t they married. But that was none of her business. .

With the time that had passed, Emma found a way to keep herself informed about her family’s lives, but she knew she couldn’t come back. It wasn’t until she felt the urge to see them once more that she decided to come back. To go back to the other side. To say she was sorry for everything she had done.

“Ma?” She heard a male voice call out. She turned around and felt the body of a young male slam against hers. The familiar smell of mint and cologne. So easy to recognize. So hard to ever forget.

“Henry!” she said hugging the boy harder. She let a tear slip, immediately cursing herself for not being stronger, and forever leaving her sweet little boy behind the way she did.

“Ma, you’re alive, you’re here!” Emma separated herself from Henry to take a look at him, he look so different now, so grown up, he even had facial hair.

“I am.” was all Emma could say, she hugged him once again. God, how much have I missed you, she thought. And she did. She had missed him. She had missed playing video games, eating cereal for breakfast when they could. She missed their time together. “I’m sorry for leaving the way I did, there is so much I need to tell you, but I need to talk with your mother first.” Emma explained, she couldn’t keep her hands to herself, her boy, her sweet teenage boy, was almost an adult now. He was so different.

“Mom is with Robin” Henry said.

“I know kid, I know” She noticed that Henry couldn't stop staring at her. “Ma, why are you wearing a wig?”

Emma’s eye widen, He noticed, was all she could think off. “I will explain everything after I have talked to your mom, kid.”

They kept walking for a while, Henry told Emma everything that had happened in the past ten years, and every now and then Emma couldn’t help but allow a tear to escape. Later that night Emma returned to her room at the Inn and dialed her recent call once more.

“Hello?”

“Hey” Regina said, this time much lower than earlier that day,

“How are you?”

“Can we cut the small talk and go straight to why you called?”

Emma rolled her eyes, still feisty, “I’m calling to ask where you would like to meet?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Alright, how about you come by around nine tonight at Granny’s Inn? My room is number 18.”

“Good enough, until then Miss Swan.” and once again Regina hung up the phone before Emma could say anything else. Emma got up from her bed to look for something appropriate to wear. After she made sure her new outfit was a good option she went to take a bath. Her body was exhausted from the fourteen-hour drive, but she needed to do everything tonight, she didn’t have much time left.

* * *

Emma observed herself in the mirror, even after five years of wearing a wig she still wasn’t used to it. She missed her naturally blonde hair. The wig was itchy, it looked like she had a half dead animal on her head, but that was all she had. Although, she could have her own hair by now, she had grown much more accustomed to just shaving it, that she never stopped. Emma looked down at her hands and saw how dry they were. Her skin was always dry, no matter how much she hydrated, nor how much lotion she applied, there was no remedy. That was probably what she hated the most. She missed her old self, but that was in the past now.

When Emma heard a knock on the door she realized that it was 9:00 pm, always so punctual. Emma thought as she walked to open the door. Nothing had prepared her to see Regina Mills in front of her again. Clearly time had done nothing to her, her face and skin remained flawless. She was wearing one of those pants suits and a button up shirt, her fuck me heels and signature red lips were also on display. Oh how had Emma missed the sight of that.

“Hello,” Emma said, “come in” as she moved to the side.

Regina couldn’t help but stare at Emma, Henry was right, she looked different from when they last saw her, she look tired and older and was she wearing a wig?

“Regina there is s much we need to discuss, but first allow me to offer you a drink?”

Regina continued to stare, it wasn’t until Emma lifted her eyebrows that Regina answered, “Water would be fine, thanks” She took a seat at the edge of the bed. When Emma returned with the water she took a sip, “Thank you.”

“I see you made yourself at home. Thank you for coming, Regina” Emma didn’t sit down, she needed to be standing up. She was afraid that if she sat down her mind would fuzz and forget everything she needed to say.

“Out with it Swan, I don’t have all night.”

“Look Regina, I came here to apologize” When Emma saw Regina was about to interrupted her, she brought her hand up, signaling Regina to not say anything “Let me speak Regina. I know they say time is supposed to heal, but it didn’t heal anything. When we were younger and free, I never took anything serious. That was until I met you, and then the magic shit started happening, then suddenly I was head over heels for you, I wanted a family, I wanted us to be a family, but then something changed everything. Something made me run away and I am truly sorry, please forgive me?”  

‘It’s not that easy” Regina said,

“I know, just listen to what I have to say, maybe it will change your mind” again Regina didn’t say a word but she bowed her head in acceptance so Emma kept talking, “Before our wedding I went to the hospital because I was experiencing some pain, and after Whale ran some test it came back positive for cancer. I begged him to not say anything, to keep it quiet until we could find out how lethal it was” Emma took a break; it was still hard to remember those days. Let alone speak of them.

“You knew you were sick and you hid it from me?” Regina got up from her seat, this time Emma needed to sit; she needed to feel some ground under her before she passed out.

“I- Yes, but just listen, you can yell all you want later. After some other exams we found out it was terminal cancer, Regina he said I only had about eight to nine years worth of life. I felt devastated, my whole life changed in that moment. And I’m sorry for being so selfish, I should've told you, stopped the wedding, and told you the truth. But that day I went home, and you were so excited about the wedding that I couldn’t. Deep inside I was dying Regina. Not because the cancer, but because I was losing you.”

“That was ten years ago Emma, you’re still alive. You could of have stayed with us, we could of have worked things out. Helped you get through it. Yet you made a decision by yourself and left without a word, without an explanation. You humiliated me in front of the town. But what’s worst you broke our son’s heart.”

Emma felt like Regina had slapped her across the face with the last part, she knew it, and she regreted it every single day. “I’m sorry, I truly am Regina, I never meant for things to go that way. But they did and now I see my mistake”

Regina kept walking from side to side, her hands on her hips and her face with a frown, “Is this the part where I run into your arms and kiss you senseless because you’re dying? That would never happen Miss Swan. Never”

Emma got up and walked towards Regina, she gently placed her hands on top of Regina’s shoulder “Of course not Regina, I just needed you to know the truth. I need you to know I never stopped loving you. I never forgot about you. I called a thousand times, and every time you answered, I would hang up. I was a coward.”

“You were” Regina said, she moved abruptly from Emma’s reach, “What exactly do you want Emma?”

“I want yours and Henry’s forgiveness. To allow me to have one last day as a family before I die.” Emma felt a tear slide down her cheek; it felt so real to say it out loud instead of only being able to think it. She wasn’t ready to die, she wanted to travel, she wanted to have so many experiences, but it was too late now. Now, she was dying, and she had lost ten years of her happy ending because she was too afraid.

“That’s all?” Regina couldn’t believe it. Emma had come back. She was standing in front of her. And she hadn’t exactly run away with a lover like she so many times had thought of. Emma was back and asking for one last day as a family. No matter how mad she was at the blonde she couldn’t exactly deny her last request.

“Yes, Regina, that’s it..”

Regina turned around and faced Emma once again, she saw the path the tear had left and for the very first time in the whole night, Regina felt sympathy and pain for Emma; she finally understood that Emma had runned away from her not because she was trying to be selfish, or a coward like Emma had said, but because she was trying to protect her and Henry from what was to come. Now Regina hurt for Emma, she wondered how many lonely days and nights Emma had to go through, she wondered if the reason for Emma’s wig was because of the treatments she had to go through. She had so many questions, she was so confused. She had so many emotions and she didn’t know how to sort any of them out.

“Does Henry know?” Regina asked clearing her throat.

“Not yet, I don’t want to tell him yet, Regina, please let me enjoy this. Don’t treat me like I’m dying, let’s forget the years that have passed, and enjoy it for a day. Please?” Emma begged and the desperation in her voice was loud and clear, Regina felt her heart break a little bit more.

“Fine, but I have to talk to Robin, he might not like it”

Emma rolled her eyes, she had forgotten about the beard factor. She had to show respect no matter what, that was Regina’s love interests.

“Yes, of course” Emma said sitting down on her bed again. “You know, once when I was under chemo, I thought you had found me, apparently I made one of the nurses spend the whole night hugging me” Emma laughed, “I remember seeing you entering the room and just walking towards me, you hugged me and every time you moved I would start to beg, and so you would stay. It wasn’t until my fever calmed down that I realized it was the nurse.”

“Was it hard?” Regina asked as she grabbed her purse from the bed.

“From time to time, but not as hard as leaving you and Henry behind” Emma saw how Regina look to her once before leaving. Well, that wasn’t as hard as I thought, Emma thought as Regina closed the door behind her.

Once Emma made sure she locked the door she redirected herself to the bathroom, it was time for her medicine, her body was starting to ache and the nausea was coming back. Damn symptoms, they never seemed to go away. After she swallowed the pills, she grabbed a granola bar, and forced herself to eat it. There was no mystery as why she looked like a skeleton. The nausea didn’t allow her to eat the way she used to, nor the food she used to find pleasant, she can’t even look now. Yup, she missed the old days. After changing into her pjs, she went to sleep; she still needed to find out what Robin would say, and when she would get her last family day. She could feel that the end was near.

* * *

That night Emma laid in bed just rerunning everything that had happened in her head. From her foster homes, to meeting Henry, to coming into Storybrooke, and falling in love with Regina, everything after that doesn’t really matter. Late at night is when melancholy hits her the hardest; she can’t help but fall asleep sobbing. She wished things were different. She wished she were healthy and married to Regina. She wished she could of been there for Henry’s graduation, his prom, and everything in between, but that’s too late now. She only has a few more weeks on Earth; it’s a sensation she can’t help feeling. It’s like her body is preparing her. The psychologist said it was common. Especially since she was okay with dying. Finally she let sleep take over.

The next morning Emma woke up to a text message from Henry:

Henry: Lunch today?

She quickly replied, “Sure kid”

She got ready and went to meet Henry; just like old times they ordered the same. Emma tried to eat as much as she could, but she failed miserably. Henry however didn’t seem to have a problem with eating something extra. After some more chat, Henry told Emma that he had heard Regina and Robin discussing last night and it had ended with Robin sleeping on the couch for the first time in two years. He asked if they were getting back together and Emma did nothing but smile and shake her head saying “no”. Soon after, Henry went back to his university, and Emma went back to her room to get some more rest. Some days she didn’t have much energy to spare and it seem like today was one of those. After she slept most of the day, her phone ringing awakened her. It was Regina.

“Hi,” Emma said, still sounding sleep,

“Did I wake you up?” Regina asked concerned.

“Don’t worry, what’s up?”

“I spoke with Henry and we decided to give you a weekend with us. We are going to have family time. And you can use a spare room in the mansion if you like” As Regina explained Emma couldn’t hold her happiness,

“Really?” She still needed to make sure, she wasn’t just dreaming,

“Yes, Emma, it’s only fair, if we can gift you that” Regina could hear the excitement from Emma, her breathing was much faster, “See you tomorrow Emma, we will be waiting for you around nine a.m., for breakfast” And with that Regina hung up. Emma couldn’t believe it; she didn’t just get a day but two days with her family, like the old days.  With that Emma took her daily pills and returned to sleep, she needed to save as much energy as she could.

The next day, she woke up early, got ready and headed out to Regina’s, her anxiety was being terrible, she still didn’t know what would happen with Robin, but she could care less, she needed this more than he did. She parked her bug outside, and went to the porch; she got a dejavu feeling, as she remembered the very first time she stepped on it. She smiled and knocked on the door.

She was met by Henry, who quickly hugged her and helped her with her bags.

“She’s making your favorite” Henry said closing the door behind them, Emma walked to the kitchen to find indeed Regina preparing  benedict eggs, bacon and hash browns. All of it accompanied by the smell of fresh coffee. Emma was glad her pills had just kicked in, and if she were lucky enough she would be able to eat and hold it down. When Regina was done they all went to the living room and made plans for the day. Based on Emma’s state they agreed to not do much physical work, so they decided that going to the movies would work.

“Thank you” Emma said to Regina as they exited the movie theater,

“No problem,” Regina smiled, and kept walking. Emma wondered if she would be ever lucky enough to kiss Regina again. But she didn’t want to ruin the opportunity she had been granted.

After the movie Emma went upstairs to the room to nap for a little while, Henry went out to a study group, leaving only Emma and Regina in the house, Regina went to check on Emma to find her on the floor near the toilet,

“Emma” she said as she walked quickly to reach Emma, “Why didn’t you call me?”

Emma stood herself up, “Don’t worry, it comes and goes,” She walked to the sink and wash off her mouth and face, she turned to face Regina, smiled “I hope I’m not being too much trouble,”

“Do not worry about that”

“Was Robin too upset?”

“We broke up last night” Regina said with a -I don’t care look-

“Regina, I’m sorry” Emma stepped closer to Regina, true care showed on her face,

“It’s not your fault Emma, I never loved him, I couldn’t” Regina turned her face away, she needed to get her thoughts together before she said anything else, “You broke my heart, but you also stole it, the day you left, you took a piece of it with you, I never can or will ever, love anyone but you Emma” Regina placed a gentle kiss on Emma’s cheek and left the room.

They didn’t speak much the rest of the afternoon, especially because Emma slept most of it. She was awaken by the smell of lasagna, and the voices of Henry and Regina, she went downstairs, to find them cooking together, so she stayed there, watching them and memorized in the moment. She wanted that memory burned into her head, so if she was to die tonight, she could die happily.

That didn’t last for too long; Henry discovered her watching, so the three of them ended up cooking and eating together as the family they once were. Henry mentioned how he missed it, Emma and Regina agreed. After watching some more movies, Henry called it a night, Emma and Regina decided they had so much to talk about; they went to the patio since the sky was lit up just right. It was full of stars, the fresh air, and a full moon, it was just perfect, they sat under Regina’s apple tree.

“Remember the time I chain sawed it?” Emma said with some laugher,

“I wanted to kill you” Regina said taking a sip of her wine,

“I know, but that’s how our story began” Emma laid her head over Regina’s shoulder, “Regina”

“Hmm?” Regina hummed,

“May I kiss you one last time?” Emma sat up straight and look Regina into the eyes,

“Yes” Regina said as a whisper, Emma smiled and slowly stood up,

“Wait here for a second, there’s something I need to do”

Emma walked to Henry’s room, she laid in bed with him,

“Kid, there are things in life we can not change, like the color of eyes, or when we are going to die,” She could feel Henry shaking against her,

“You’re dying aren’t you?” He simply asked. In that moment Emma felt a knot in her throat,

“Yes,” She whispered,

“It’s okay Emma, I won’t forget you, I would always love you, you know?” Emma hugged him harder, she was crying, but she was happy, her little man was a full grown man now, he would take care of Regina in her absence

“I know, I love you” She said, She got up, and gave him a sweet kiss on his forehead, she looked back once when she closed the door, his eyes were shut. Emma cried her eyes out, and went back downstairs, she inhaled some air. When she finally made it back to where Regina was sitting down, she knew it was time, she sat back down, and grabbed Regina’s hands. She kissed them gently, and looked Regina in the eyes.

“Before I die there’s something you need to know,” Regina didn’t say anything, but kept looking Emma in the eyes, “Regina Mills, you were the best of me, you were my light and my darkness, you were my happiness and my sadness, you were the yin to my yang. I’m forever grateful to whatever force brought me to you. I regret nothing that I shared with you, if I could I would do it all over again, except this time I would marry you.” Emma kissed Regina’s hands once again.

“Regina I want you to love again, I want you to live life to the maximum, to do everything I can’t. Promise me you will?” Regina nodded her head, tears running down her face, unable to put words together.

Emma brought a hand up, dried Regina’s tears and gently kissed her. The kiss like many others was innocent and gentle; it was the promise of waiting for her after life. It was an apology and an “I’m sorry I failed.” But it was also an “I will forever love you kind of promise.” After a while they broke apart and Regina held Emma in her arms. They continued talking until they both drifted asleep.

**The next morning only one of them awakened.

Regina started to stir as soon as she felt her back aching, she still had Emma wrapped in her arms, but unlike the night before Emma’s body was ice cold, Regina realized where they were and so her first instinct was to kiss Emma on the cheek before trying to wake her up trying to share her warmth with her.

“C’mon Emma, let's go inside” but she received no answer. Regina realized Emma wasn’t responding to her, she payed close attention and that’s when she noticed. Emma wasn’t breathing. She had passed away over the night. Probably sometime while they were sleeping. Tears filled her eyes and  started to fall down Regina’s face, and uncontrollable mix of emotions stirred within her, some that she couldn’t recognize, some that were all too familiar to her.

Days passed, and it was as if time stood still. For the first time since the curse time stood still in StoryBrooke. Everyone in town tried to help console Regina, Henry and herself were in charge of her funeral arrangements. Although people stopped by Regina always felt alone. This time Emma hadn’t run away, this time she was actually gone, and she took a big chunk of Regina’s heart with her. How would Regina be able to survive this? She couldn’t be angry with Emma for not telling her sooner instead she had to mourn the loss of her one true love.

The day of Emma’s funeral Regina kicked into overdrive, so much so that she lost track of time. Sher prepared everything and held a wake at her house in memory of Miss Swan. Everyone walked on eggshells afraid that the pain would be too much for her to handle and that she would rupture. All of a sudden everyone grew silent and they stared at Regina.  Snow walked over to her, “Regina?” She didn’t answer. Snow moved closer. “Regina?” she said again. Regina stuck in a trance again did not respond. Snow placed her hand on her shoulder and again asked “Regina?” Regina shook her head as if trying to return to the present time, and turned around holding a perfectly crisp flaky apple turnover, with tears rushing to her eyes. She mumbled “this was it.” “What?” Snow said. Everyone still looking at Regina with worried and confused facial expressions. “This was it.” Regina said. “This was our beginning and our end.” My first altercation with her was because she tried to cut down my apple tree, that was where our journey began. Then two weeks ago she died in my arms under the same tree.” Every then looked down at their plates and realized they were all holding the last piece that remained of Miss Swan’s memory. Regina in all her grief and sorrow used the apples from the apple tree to make her famous apple turnovers.

Regina suddenly felt all the pain she had tried so desperately hiding all day. Auto drive had shut down and she was in control again. Snow saw the pain flooding into Regina and knew that if she didn’t act quick Regina would never forgive her for letting the town’s people see her at her weakest. Snow quickly turned around and dismissed everyone thanked them for coming. Henry caught on to what was happening and helped escort her to room. Henry and Snow later consulted with the Blue Fairy to make a potion so that Regina would be to have a night of sound sleep. Using an amethyst crystal that was bathed in the moonlight, along with special herbs that both would block any negative emotions along with a protection spell in case Regina’s enemies caught word of her weakened state. They poured the potion into Regina’s wine glass and waited for her to drift asleep. Henry took a few extra days off of school and watched over her.

Soon after Emma’s passing Regina discovered Emma’s diary where she wrote her a letter for everyday they were apart. Emma’s body was dead, but her soul and memory lived for as long as Regina and Henry were alive. 

 


	2. And Then It Rained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the second chapter took so long. But nonetheless here it is! I beg of you to please leave a review of what you like and don't. It will help as I develop the story. I want to thank my best friend. Babe! You are basically the other author of this story. Thank you so much for your incredible help! 
> 
> With that been said, please enjoy!! 
> 
> Gab95lin

_**“... When you died, you were supposed to live on in the memories of others. That's what I'd always been told. Didn't matter what you believed, which religion you subscribed to, what god you worshipped. The simple fact was that none of us knew what lay beyond. Immortality and eternal life? The only sure shot at that was the memories of those you left behind - your friends and family...”** _   
_**― Brian Keene, Dead Sea** _

* * *

 

Henry stared at Regina through the window. He still couldn't come around to the fact that Regina Mills was not Regina Mills, she had transformed into someone completely different after Emma’s passing. She was like a robot or a zombie. He had only seen her this way once. When Emma had left her at the altar; and even then Regina wasn’t this much of a wreck. This time she didn’t care to mask any of her pain. She didn’t look like anything close to her-composed-self. Her hair was a mess, most likely because she probably hadn't washed it in a while. A week or even more perhaps. Her suits and fancy dresses were left behind. She didn’t care much for her personal appearance. Even after she continued to be Mayor, everyone noticed the difference in herself, they all saw what she knew. They all saw that although Emma had died, Regina she was missing a piece of herself.

Henry, worried about her mental and physical health. She didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep, much. All she did was spend her free time outside, sitting under the apple tree. He didn’t understand why she would torture herself in such a way. To go back to the place where Emma had died in her arms, but a part of him understood. A part of him wanted to let go of the memory of Emma, to not hurt anymore, but he knew that wouldn’t happen. It was his mother who he was talking about. And so every time he wandered around town, he always ended up at the same place. He always would end up in the castle because some of his best memories with Emma were created there. They hurt, but he could somehow feel Emma close to him whenever he would be there. Like she wasn’t dead. But that was silly to think right? To still exist with no body? He was an orphan, no dad and no mom. He thought, he was a lucky boy to still have his mother. Regina was all he had left from what once he thought would be his perfect family, his _happily ever after_.

Henry continued to stare at Regina, for the most part she would just sit under the tree, and look up to the sky, he wondered if she had hope Emma would come down in a cloud or something. But everyday she returned inside the house with the same hopeless face. On this particular night, there was something different. At first Henry couldn't make it out, but as Regina walked past him to her bedroom he realized what it was. Regina was reading something. From inside, he couldn’t really make out what was it that she was reading. But she looked so deep in thought it was _Emma’s journal_.

When Regina had discovered Emma’s diary with her name and a letter directed to her, Regina had walked away from the room. Henry couldn’t understand much; Regina always seemed to avoid the subject. But one thing Henry did know was… That diary had something important on it. It seem to be attached to Regina. He just didn’t know why.

  
_Sunday, October 23, 2011_

_Dear Regina,_

_Well this is the first night I’m not sleeping next to you, it feels odd to just the thought of it. I must tell you I’m sorry for everything I’d done... I am sure by now you hate my guts. I mean I left you at the altar with no explanation. I just hope one day you can forgive me. I know I won’t. I’m sorry for breaking your heart. To walk away from you, from Henry, from my family it’s probably the hardest thing I have ever done. But, I know it’s what’s best. And you have to know that I love you. I love you more than air, more than my own life, but I won’t put you through pain. To watch me die. To watch how I lose myself and see me being eaten alive. I’m sorry, it’s so typical of me to talk about myself._

_Sometimes I agree with your mother and think that, love is a weakness. But then I remember the night my results came back, and I remember how miserable and heartbroken I felt. Those results were saying my cancer was terminal. For a second, I stopped and thought it had to be some kind of joke. Because why, why would I have terminal cancer when I was finally getting my happy ending. I was sticking to the treatments, it was suppose to work, but it didn't. I ended my shift and went back home. I cried in the garage. I sobbed and screamed into my jacket making sure my screams weren’t loud. Then I dried my tears and went inside. You were cooking your magnificent lasagna, and when you saw me you smiled so big and bright. It warmed my heart, I felt better instantly. So I decided not to tell you. Not to ruin the moment. I would tell you later… When the time was right, but the right time was never there._

_And so the plans for our wedding continued. I kept acting like nothing had happened. I enjoyed every moment we shared even more. Guilt was eating me alive, but I pushed it to aside. I kept telling myself that it was okay to be selfish for once. I gave you, Henry and my parents some extra love for when I was gone. Trying to make it up for when I wasn’t there anymore. I wasn’t sure how much longer I had, Whale said a year or more or less. I am sorry Regina, I will regret not making you my wife for whatever time I have left. I will regret not sharing this secret with you. And most of all I will forever regret not beating fate together. I was selfish, I was stupid. And believe me when I say I will forever pay the price of this decision. But there is no turning point. By the time you get this letter I will be miles and miles away from you, from Henry. From everything I love._

_My dearest Regina, I’m writing to you to beg you to give me, not forgiveness, but understanding. I know that by the time this letter reaches your hand, I will be long gone, and so I want you to read the red diary that would come later. I will write to you every night we are apart. If and when this diary reaches it’s final destiny, it will only mean one thing. I will be gone. I don’t fear death. However, I feel for those lonely and painful nights that are yet to come. Fuck Regina, I wish everything was different. I wish I didn’t have this damn sickness. But life is not about what we want, but what we get._

_Forever yours,_   
_Emma._   
_P.S. I love you._

* * *

Regina held the letter with her left hand, while she clutched the red diary close to her heart with the right one, tears running down her cheeks. She was surprise there were still tears left to shed. Her heart hurt, she was so confused with the many emotions she was facing. Not only had her life changed ten years ago, but once again a few months ago. When was all of this pain going to end. When would she get her opportunity to be happy? The answer? Never, never because the person she was truly happy once was now dead. Gone. Forever, and for as long as Regina remained alive, she would suffer with her grief. Regina held the diary in both of her hands. Contemplating whether she was ready to read what was inside or not. She stared at it, for what felt like forever, until she felt curious eyes on her. She saw Henry peeking from the window. She quickly placed the diary down, dried her eyes as she stared back.

Regina couldn’t help but remember how destroyed she had felt the night her own mother had killed Daniel. The moment she held his dead body in her arms. Her mind quickly contemplating the comparison between Daniel’s death and Emma’s. So similar. Yet so different. At some point she even began to think that perhaps her arms were cursed. To hold all her lovers in them in their final moments . To never be able to love someone without watching them die. Torture. That’s what it was. And her mind was quick to befriend the feeling. Regina continued to stare at Henry until she felt a raindrop run down her cheek. She made her way quickly back inside, forgetting one of the last crucial things that kept the memory of Emma Swan alive. Emma’s journal.

Regina, have had her fair share of crying for the day, and decided to go to bed early. God only knew how horrible her raccoon eyes had been looking lately. Tomorrow would be a new day, a chance to try living again. Or would it? In the wee hours of the morning Regina woke up, what started off as a trickle turned into a roar. The rain came crashing down as if Mother Nature herself was mourning the loss of Miss Swan. Regina thought most would be afraid of such a violent night, but she sought comfort in it, for finally, something had shown what she had been feeling inside herself since the death of her loved one. For many days now she would sleep without feeling rested, eat without feeling replenished, and cling to Emma’s journal as if it was her life source, her oxygen. For the split second that she was distracted she forgot her life support in the storm.

The next day Regina frantically woke up begging for it not to be true. She ran down the stairs out to the patio, hoping, wishing, praying. Being awakened by all the commotion and fuss Regina was making Henry woke up and chased after her fearing the worst, that she had actually gone crazy. With her feet soaking and muddy from last night’s rain, she slips and stumbles. Crawling to where she sat last night. She picked up the soaked journal and opened it, hoping that by some miracle that all of her journal entries would still be there, but they weren’t. What was once Emma’s writing was ink stained pages of what once was. She got up and sat under her famous apple tree, shaking her head in disbelief and stuttering “no no no”. Henry catching up with her finally saw what distress was about. The one thing that helped her from finally going overboard, was Emma’s journals, she shook what was left of ink and water into her tree, so that at least her final words can go back to where she was last alive. Her apple tree.

Henry embraced Regina into his arms, hoping that by any incredible nature source she would find comfort in his arms, he was wrong. Regina fought, and fought Henry’s embrace until her tired body and mind gave up, she crumbled down, bringing Henry down with her. How was she supposed to feel Emma close now? How was she suppose to keep going? The last thing she had from Emma was now gone, and so did her last log of life. She turned into Henry’s chest and poured all her pain into her sobs. She was shaking. “It’s okay mom,” he said as he tried to comfort her. But nothing would. He knew that.

Neither Henry or Regina had notice the intense gleam that Emma’s journal had started to spark with, all the water and ink mixed together, the mix draining down onto Regina’s apple tree. Finally making the roots of the tree bloom with the same intensity the mix of rain water and ink had once done. Too bad Henry was too focus on comforting Regina to notice. Henry brought his mother inside. Half walking, half carrying her. He clutched her into his arms carrying her up the stairs. Regina had emerged herself into a somnolent state, she neither spoke nor cried, she was quiet and frozen. Henry worried each passing day more about his mother. He wondered if she had being in the same state when her beloved Daniel had died. Or if she had given in to the darkness instead. He knew the answer. After he dried her, he gently placed her in bed, sweetly rubbing her head until sleep claimed her.

When he was sure she was long lost to deep sleep, he allowed his own tears to fall down, quietly, but they came pouring down. How much longer would they have to go on like this? The answer… _Unknown_.


End file.
